Let me tell you about one of my recent shopping expeditions with Lily. We had some time to ourselves and decided to head out to the local shopping centre for some pre-Christmas window shopping. I had a few things I wanted to check out (gift ideas for Ava's teachers, school supplies for next year, Christmas presents for the family) and we browsed from store to store.
For the beginning Lily was great. She walked with me around the stores, didn't touch breakable things and only used her inside voice. We browsed through a number of stores this way. All was good.
Then we headed to one certain store. We've been into this store many, many times before. Lily knows this store and knows what she'll find in there.
First the stationary section. To get there we had to pass the book section. Lily got side tracked with some Disney Princess books and didn't follow me. Not to worry, I could see her from where I was browsing. All happy.
Next I needed to browse further into stationary. From where I needed to go I couldn't see Lily and the books so I went and asked her to please come with me now. Off we went further into the stationary aisles.
After stationary was the electronic section. I needed to look for headphones so we headed to that aisle. Lily knows the electronic section very well. Any time we go shopping as a family, Patrick is quite happy for me to browse anywhere I'd like for as long as I like because I'll find him in the DVD section when I'm done.
So after I'm done browsing for headphones we head over to the next aisle to look at the DVDs. Lily is happy looking at Barbie and Dora DVDs, I'm not. I popped into the next aisle and called out every few moments to Lily, "Lily are you there?" "Yes mummy I'm here" etc. After a little bit we headed onto our next section.
Christmas decorations. Now I like Christmas decorations and looking at them makes me happy. So I was happy to browse the aisles with Lily. I had a certain decoration I was looking for, and not finding it didn't want to spend too long in the aisles. Lily was in her element. She was loving all the decorations and was happily chatting away to them and herself while we where there. When I wanted to look in the next aisle I asked Lily to follow me. She didn't. She was in one end of an aisle and I was in the same end of the next aisle. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her still happily chatting to herself and the decorations. I was comfortable with this. We weren't going to be long and I wasn't far from her. I'm sure any parent would say they've been in the same situation. Kids being kids never stay where you want them too when you're shopping. If I couldn't have heard her, it would be another story. I feel the need to keep explaining this, because what happened next rocked me.
Lily was chatting away happily and honestly I was happy listening to her be so happy. Then she must have realised that we weren't in the same aisle anymore and called out "Mummy, where are you?" She didn't sound distressed, she wasn't crying, she just seemed genuinely surprised that we weren't together anymore. As I made my way to the top of Lily's aisle I found 4 women (some with children) standing around discussing Lily.
Random women:
"Is she yours?"
"No she's not mine"
"I'll take her to the front desk, you can't just have a little girl walking around by herself"
Me:
"Um excuse me, she is my daughter. I was in the next aisle and could hear her chatting away the whole time. I had asked her to follow me and she hadn't."
Random women:
Death Stares
Me:
"Lily are you OK? I was in the next aisle. I could hear you chatting away. I asked you to come with me though didn't I?"
Lily was fine. I think the only distressing thing was finding 4 women standing in front of her discussing taking her away. And as for the women, why wouldn't you look into the aisles around where you found a child alone? Why wouldn't you ask the child what mummy looks like and where did you last see her? None of these women spoke to Lily. They spoke about her, in front of her.
So we left the store, hand in hand, happily. Except for the very strong feeling of parental fail I felt. Had I done something horrible? Was I a terrible mum? Guilt, guilt, guilt!
I've told a few friends about the shopping trip and the overall response has been that my actions were fine. I could hear her, I was close by, I responded quickly when she called. And still, I feel guilt.
So tell me, have you suffered parental guilt over something similar?
You don't need to feel guilty!! You did nothing wrong! The only time I try and help a child is if it's visibly upset in which case I ask if their mummy is around. Then I just kind of hang around so I know the little one is safe...the mum always finds the child! Some people don't talk TO the children. Xx
ReplyDeleteOK here is my confession of why I won't be getting Mother of the year award any time soon....I let Jake (almost 8) and Jessica (almost 4) go to the toy section together while I am in a completely different part of the store!!!!! Jake also does it on his own (but NEVER Jess on her own) I will allow her to be in the toy section while I am a few aisles away, but on calling her name she can hear me and responds straight away. Like you, I can always hear her when she is on her own and when it is Jake with her, they are usually playing in the open area with the hulahoops or balls. I have strict instructions with Jake to go to a staff member if he can't find me for whatever reason and have had that embarrassing call over the loud speaker to come to the service desk. But he was on his own that day and needed to pee lol. I was only one aisle away from where he last saw me though. Typical 'Man looking'. I don't suffer parental guilt over that at all. I have equipped my children with the neccessary tools to be responsible in that situation so I feel comfortable in letting them go. As a side note though I will only do this in shops that they know well.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies!
ReplyDeleteHel, like you I've had many conversations with my girls about who to talk to if they can't find me. I was confident that if that situation came up Lily would have it covered. But she didn't approach these women, they approached her. Other people's reactions do make you stop and think...