A letter to Tallulah (alt title: A Mother's Hope)

Tallulah is only a small girl now but this letter is for her 18th birhtday. To explain what she will probably know, from the observations of a friend outside her family. Tallulah's mother gave me her blessing to publish this, wishing to bring hope to someone in the same situation as she was.

 Dear Tallulah,

Happy 18th birthday sweetheart! On this very important milestone I wanted to tell you just how special and loved you are and share with you the journey of your being here.
I met your mum and dad when my first baby was only tiny. Tania and I worked together and it was clear how much she and your dad Andrew both loved being involved in the lives of their friends, and how much they enjoyed having children around. There was nothing they wouldn't do for their friends, and Aunty Tan and Uncle Andy were some of the best non-family family you could ever find.

But there was a sadness in them. While they loved the children of their family and friends, they longed for a child of their own. Years of natural techniques weren't working for them and since they had so much love to give, they turned to fostering children. Foster children don't come for happy, safe, stable homes like yours and well it takes a special kind of person to take on that responsibility. It was about this time that my second daughter was born. All through my pregnancy Tania was there cheering me on, asking how I was feeling and rubbing my belly at every opportunity she got! She loved to talk to my belly and was as excited as I was. Still, at this time with an oversupply of love and a desire to hold their own baby in their arms, your mum and dad turned to IVF.

IVF was a technique and experience that I had never had. I was thrilled when your mum and dad told me there were going through IVF and cheered them at every step. Listening through the horrific "harvesting" stories and wishing and praying with them for the baby to "stick". It was early in the IVF process that I gave your mum a medallion and prayer card of St Gerard Majella. He is the patron saint of mothers, mothers-to-be and birthing. I had worn and carried a medallion during both of my pregnancies and continue to do so. If prayers were to be said, we said them to him. Time and time again we hoped and prayed, but to no avail. The heartbreak your parents felt was tangible. It was devastating to us all that such beautiful, wonderful people couldn't be parents. It was with uncertainty that I visited your mum (with two small daughters in tow) and an incredible need to not upset her further with a reminder of what wasn't hers. Tania is an amazing woman though. She would ask to postpone visits if she was having a sad day, but still loved to see my girls and enjoyed sharing their lives on her good ones. After many unsuccessful rounds of IVF and many, many prayers to St Gerard (and who ever else listens) Tania and Andrew finally gave up what they felt was their final chance at parenthood and worked towards accepting their fate. They battled on together, some sad days and some good, and continued to enjoy the role of Aunty and Uncle in my daughters lives.

One day some months later, I suddenly received a text message from your mum. The message simply read, "How would you like to be an Aunty?"

Immediately I was on the phone finding out the meaning of this cryptic text message. An Aunty? To who, Sophie the dog?? But no, the unbelievable had happened. After all the years of struggling with illness, stress and disappointment of IVF, Tania and Andrew had conceived a baby. You hear about it often. A couple unexpectedly and naturally falling pregnant after giving up their unsuccessful IVF dream, but when it happens to someone you know the joy is unbelievable. I was thrilled! All the joy I had experience was finally going to be experienced by your mum. All the stories and wonder I'd share with her, she was going to be able to share with me. She was going to have a little girl all of her own.

Nine months later, you beautiful Tallulah were born. It's an understatement to say you're loved. You are beyond loved. And I'm sure you've grown into an amazing young woman, full of hopes and dreams and endless potential. And I bet if you ask your mum today, she's tell you she's still carrying that St Gerard Majella medal and prayer card with her. All our prayers weren't in vain, no matter how much at the time we thought no one was listening. Some one was, it was just that the time wasn't right.

That's the story of how you came to be. You are a joy and precious miracle and offer hope to others who are in the same situation as your parents.

Happy Birthday Tallulah!

With much love and special wishes,

Aunty Beth